Purple Dragon

So, I'm sitting here:
worrying about money,
feeling fed up coz the kids wouldn't eat the food I gave them for tea,
more fed up because the playroom looks like a hurricane has been thru there (again),
discouraged because my studying has gone down the pan, and my tutor told me it wasn't worth talking about anything today because I hadn't done the work. (Fair)

I decided to browse the blogs I have on my faves list (sad, I know - who cares? Not me)

http://madbaggagerambling.blogspot.com/ had a link to an article in the paper, so I thought - why not - go read it.

Here's a link to the article.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/newspaper/0,,176-1892288_1,00.html

Oh, man. Talk about put things in perspective.

Here is the wee man with his first snowman of the winter. I am sure it won't be the last!

You can't see it in the pic, but the snowman is wearing shades.

First thing:
something has died in here. I am sitting in the room in the house designated as the office, and there is a smell. If you have cats, and have smelled that 'dead mouse' smell, then you know where I'm coming from. If you haven't - count your belssings

Second thing:
UK TV Style Gardens have just had their Halloween edition (on the ball!) and I have just realised why we cut out faces on pumpkins and put them outside with candles in them. Apparently, it is to scare away the ghouls and ghosties! Imagine getting to 41 years old, and not knowing that. Duh!

It snowed! And it keeps doing it!
We have about 2 inches.
I had to dig my front steps out.
There was a snowdrift kneehigh in front of the henhouse door.
Playschool is cancelled.

Took this pic just before we left to run the wee fella to school. Not the best pic, but I wanted to get the sunrise in

Mad! So mad! Too mad yesterday to even post about it!

I had agreed that the boy could start Judo. We had seen the adverts in the local press, and also in the Sports Centre, that two classes were held - one ages 6-12 and the other, 13+. Waited 20 minutes for the wife to turn up, only to be told that they only take kids from age 8. What?

So - why does your sign say from age 6?
"Oh, yeah - I really ought to change that".

One disappointed 6 year old

Next, we went along to the swimming pool to put him on the waiting list for swimming lessons.
Asked for an application form.
Don't have one. 'She' has gone away with the folder.
Can you send me one in the post? No.
Can I phone in to be put on the list? No.
When can we come back to get a form? Probably Tuesday. Try Tuesday.

And the cats still have fleas.

Well, we've had The Weather. It's still raining.

Thursday was the worst. I tried to go out and batten down the hatches - the rabbits are in the playhouse out of the weather, and the door was open. Nearly came off its hinges in the wind. I went out the front door, and was blown round the side of the house, till I was in the lee, and then managed to walk the rest of the way, albeit buffeted. Made sure they were okay, made sure the chooks were in the coop, and closed that up as well. The feral hen decided she didn't want to be feral anymore, so she ended up in the coop with our girls as well.

Tried to walk back round the front of the house, and I couldn't. I absolutely couldn't get round to the front door. Every time I came out of the lee of the house, I was blown back across the garden. I ended up having to bang on the side door to be let in. And - oh man! - the hail! I swear it was like being pelted with high velocity needles. I was hiding under Ger's big jacket, trying to get stuff done without being concussed.

The school phoned at 1.30 to say they were closing and could I come get the Boy. Of course, he was dead excited. Snow flurries! Could we go sledging? I don't think he realised (till he got out of the car) just how strong the wind was. I reckon I would have been retrieving him from Menhir's (http://myword.blog.co.uk/main/) garden if he had gotton on the sledge

Friday was a lot less fierce. The school was closed again, but Ger was here, so I left the wee fella and went into Dyce to get some groceries. Of course, because it was warmer, the snowmelt was heavy, and the roads were flooded in places.

Oh, and the feral hen moved out again today. She obviously knows which side her bread is buttered. Let's face it - a warm coop, with food, water and warm mash is a damn site better than freezing hail, hurricane winds and nowhere to sleep.

He went to see the oncologist again this morning, for his 6-weekly diagnosis.

The anomaly on his spine is osteoporosis, not the tumour that we feared.

Six weeks ago, he had one 1cm tumour in one lung. He now has a tumour in each lung, about the size of an orange.

At his last appointment, he had minimum cancer in his liver. It is now 50% cancer.

They have told him that they can’t do any more for him with conventional medicine. However, they have offered him a place on clinical trials for the first trials of a new medicine. Unfortunately, his oncologist says that he doesn’t think Dad qualifies. He will go to Oxford in January to see.

Apart from that, they are letting the cancer take its course.

Finally remembered the name of the song I want played at my funeral.

It is "Spirit in the Sky" by Dr and The Medics.

Gareth Gates did the bollywood type version, but I think that is a bit too frivolous for a funeral, don't you?

What a tragedy. I can't bear to think how his poor parents must feel. What a tragic waste.

Boy, eight, dies after school bus crashes
LAURA ROBERTS, The Scotsman, 23 Nov 2005

AN EIGHT-year-old boy died after a school minibus was involved in a collision with two other vehicles in poor weather yesterday.

http://news.scotsman.com/index.cfm?id=2285902005

First thing - I'm starting to get nervous about all this weather doom-mongering. The thought of being trapped in the house for an unspecified period of time freaks me out. What if we have a power cut? It gets bloody dark up here, in the wilds. I've got candles.

Second thing - I read a lot of blogs. I've got 20 on my favorites list (how sad is that?) and I also read people's personal web pages ... I've never counted those. You know - I lead a normal normal life. Some of the tales I read. Wow. Some folk are totally fucked up, and little wonder given their histories. My childhood was SO NORMAL. For this I am thankful!

I've been thinking a lot about this, since a conversation with Mum yesterday (or was it Saturday?).

We were talking about Sue. Now Sue, at 43 years of age, and if she lives to a fair age, faces another 20+ years of living in the state she is in now, only deteriorating, as they see no signs or liklihood of remission.

She will continue to need to have her underwear changed (well, for underwear, read tenapads) because she will never again have control of her bladder or bowels. It isn't anything like me changing Rachel, because one day Rachel will learn to use the toilet. Sue will never have that skill again.

She will never regain her eyesight. She will only ever see blurs and colours, and will never see the faces of my children, me or our parents. She can't watch TV. She can't read a book. Reading books was her greatest love.

She still knows Mum & Dad, but rarely asks after me, and although she knows I have children, she doesn't remember their names, ages or sexes. She doesn't know she is an aunty three times over, and although she was enthralled by Rachel, she didn't really 'understand' Rachel. I am sure she doesn't remember Gerry at all.

She doesn't remember Miki, except as a vague recollection of a man in her life that she lived with. The years of their marriage are gone. Fortunately, she doesn't remember Raymond The Bastard either. Thank god for small mercies!

She has no concept of time. To her, yesterday is the same as this morning is the same as last week. Again, a blessing I suppose. Imagine knowing this is what you were faced with for the rest of your life ... however long that may be.

A long time ago, she and I were talking, and we both agreed that to live as she is living now would be a living hell. We both said we would prefer to be put out of our misery. But is she in misery? Is she truly, now, the infantile, drooling wreck her body shows her to be? Or she in there, somewhere, screaming to get out?

God, I hope she doesn't know.

When are we gonna learn to stop messing with stuff?

Read the full story:
http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn8347

Secrets of the deep
The Scotsman, 10 Sep 2005

You won't find the Dogger Hills or Doggerland, on your home atlas. If you're in the habit of listening to the shipping news - as a comforting prerequisite to sleep or a less comforting necessity for work - then you'll recognise Dogger Bank as the huge area of open North Sea between the UK and Denmark. When it was Doggerland though, there was no Scotland, no UK, there wasn't even a Denmark-shaped lump sticking out of what we now call Europe. We were joined to it then, and none of our ancestors living a nomadic life on the ice margins could have dreamt that 8,000 years later their descendants would be looking in amazement at just what an extensive lost world lay unexplored under thousands of square miles of North Sea.

http://thescotsman.scotsman.com/magazine.cfm?id=1899762005

The weather here today is absolutely cracking! The sun is shining, the sky is blue, and outside is really quite warm (although I don't know the temperature - I shall have to buy one of those outside thermometers.) it is certainly 'plus' something.

The clouds are those wispy types that look like someone has spread cobwebs over the heavens. If I didn't know better, I would think it was Spring!

However. I just met the postman on the drive. He says there is a good chance we won't see him at the end of the week, because this is 'the calm before the storm'. Apparently, the weather folk say that we are in for a really bad snap, with snow, gales - the full nine yards (what the hell does that mean?!?).

Guess the kids will be making snowmen come the weekend - good - Daddy will be back, and he can build them. I'll do the hot toddys

OK - got the new wheels. Don't like them

I am only 5'4" and they are built for much taller people than me! I feel a complete fool driving around in a car that I can't even see over the bonnet. OK - I can raise the seat, but that's not really the point.

It doesn't have a CD player.
It doesn't have SatNav.
It doesn't have a Mini Disc Player
OR the 10-DVD player, for the kids to watch films
OR the thing you press to make your rear view mirrors tuck into the side of the car.

These are things I have become used to from the Volvo, and I shall miss them. I have only driven it once - down the the village. Thank God it has heated seats!

I'm really hoping it will grow on me.

I used to have a BMW but it broke, and Ger made me have a Jaguar instead. I never did like the Jag, but when I feel pg with Rachel, it was much too impractical to have with 3 kids and all the paraphernalia that goes with. So - herald the Volvo XC90. I didn't like that to start with either.

Anyway. I get my Volvo back in a week (hopefully) because it is going down to Edinburgh to get its service. Then Ger can have the Cherokee instead

Apparently I was a Ditsy Philosopher, living in Italy, who died of consumption

http://www.blogthings.com/pastlifegenerator/

We have (had) a glass partition along the side of the bath, because we have a shower over the bath, which is supposed to stop the water from splashing out onto the floor.

So, the wee fella decides to take a bath, and his sister decided to go in and supervise. She closed the door behind her (not allowed!) and seconds later comes this awful wailing noise. Ger & I ran to the bathroom, and found she had locked the door behind her, so there ensued a mad rush to try and find something to open the door from the outside. I eventually came up with a hair pin.

We opened the door and found Laura hiding behind the toilet, with the shower screen pinning the boy in the bath. Ger lifted the screen, and I lifted the boy. He had been sitting cross legged, and it landed, end on, across his thighs and ankles. Laura had banged her hands on the screen, and it fell.

He has a long bruise up one thigh, and a 1” gash just under his ankle, just before the ball of his foot. I wrapped a towel around the foot to apply pressure while Ger leapt into some clothes, and he took him to the local hospital. The hospital gave him 3 steristrips and a bandage. He isn’t to get the foot wet for 5 days.

Considering how it looked, he is actually walking on it no bother. Ah, to be six!

Oh, and the screen fell so hard, it actually took a 1” x 2” section of enamel off the bath. When Ger & I looked at it, we were thankful that the bath took the majority of the weight, rather than the boy. Skin tears a whole lot easier than enamel!

And MAJOR kudos to the local hospital! After Ger left with the boy, I dressed the girls (in record time!), and myself, and drove to the hospital as well. As we arrived Ger was leaving. He had been seen and treated in the time it took for us to get dressed. If we had been down the road, he would have been there for a minimum of an hour, probably longer.

Himself will be home this weekend, after all.

Complete with my new wheels,

and a desk for the wee man's bedroom

I had a horrible dream last night.

I dreamed I was dropping Laura off at playschool. My normal routine is to get her out of the car in the school car park, and have her stand on the pavement while I get Rachel out. Then we walk round the back to the door.

I dreamed that I glanced up as I was unstrapping Rachel from her seat, to see some bloke in a big silver 4x4 bundling my gorgeous girl into the back of his car. I screamed, ran round my car (leaving poor Rachel half unstrapped), smacked him HARD round the head, and grabbed Laura out of the car. I then grabbed him by the hair, and dragged him into the school, screaming obscenities the whole way.

I can even still picture the car, and the bloke, and everything. God help the guy if he is real, and I come across him

Now, yesterday I posted pix of my house and my kids here. My question is : should I delete them? Can some pervert find my lovely children by knowing where we live, and what our house looks like? Let's face it, my children are so beautiful that they are a huge temptation to these animals that prey on such perfection and innocence. Was this dream a warning to me?

Right - decision made. The pic of the house goes.!

My firstborn - this kid is a cracker. He drives me nuts, because he is totally hyper, but he's smart, witty and fun to be with. His imagination is amazing.

No2 Child - Bonkers Laura. She really is bonkers. Her face tells her every emotion, and she's another hyper one. She's fun, and has the most infectious giggle on the planet.

And Baby Rachel. A little sweetie. We all thought she would be the quiet one, but she's actually Danger Baby. Talk about a walk on the wild side. I don't seem to do quiet kids. Oh, and she reckons that the only way to communicate is with THE SCREAM

Thought I would start posting some pix so you can see who we are.

First - here is a pic of the house and garden. (If you click on it, you will see a bigger version).

Takes Himself 3.5 hours to mow that bugger, on his little red ride on mower! We are probably gonna landscape it, so that there is less grass.

Behind the house you can see the polytunnel (currently full of tomatoes that just won't stop growing!), the veggie garden, oil tank & composters, kids playhouse (currently housing rabbits), the hen house and the chicken run.

I removed the pic of the house because I was freaked out by a dream of someone stealing my children!

I give up trying to think of witty titles. I'm just not gonna bother with titles any more unless it is relevant.

Wulfweard http://www.blog.co.uk/main/index.php/wulfweard wanted to know what tune we would have played at our funerals. I already know, but can't think of the bloody title. How annoying is that? They play it every Xmas and someone just done a Bollywood version of it. Something about having a friend in Jesus or something. Grr! Man, this is gonna annoy me ALL DAY!

On a lighter note. This morning, the wee fella came into my room, and I was sitting on the bed, trying to get the wherewithal to get my arse up and into the shower. In case you don't know - I've got the flu ... big time. He came up to me, put his arms around my shoulders, and gave me the most wonderful, cuddly, full of love hug I've had in a long time.

Now, I hug my kids all the time. I'm big on hugs and kisses. The more the better IMO. But when he did that, I suddenly realised - it is always me doing the hugging. I can't remember the last time someone came up to me, and gave me a hug full of love.

The other night, I lay in my bed, the kids were all asleep in theirs (a rare event) and it was late. The bits of the bed I wasn't sleeping in were cold and empty. And I had another realisation. I am so lonely. I know that there is a purpose in this temporary separation, and in the long run, things will come together. But. To have a warm, adult body to snuggle up to, when the wind is howling around the eaves, and the hail is rattling the window panes. Not sex. I can get sex anywhere, anytime. (Ha! Like I wish!)

Affection. Human affection. My God I miss it.

And it wasn't a lighter note, after all!

What a flippin day! Went to bed last night to sleet on the bathroom window (it's a velux, so you can see what's hitting it quite well). Got up this morning to snow. By the time I was ready to take the two to school, it was hail. And we've had hail and rain for the rest of the day, on and off. Oh, MAN, it's cold out there !

I'm still down with the flu or something. I feel ghastly! I ache all over, my glands are swollen in my groin, underarms and throat. I am so cold, I just can't get warm. Thank goodness for electric blankets! I have been considering having a sauna for a couple of nights, but by the time the sprogs are all down, it is too late to fire it up. When Ger had this the other week, he had a sauna with olbas oil in the water. Didn't do him any harm

Went to see the plans for this proposed house at the end of the garden. It isnt as bad as I thought it would be. It is still closer than I would like, but not as close as I feared. Cracking house, though! Fortunately, I shant be looking thru the windows. It will be side on to us, so we will only see the end of it rather than the length of it. Still rather miffed that they never had the courtesy to tell us they were planning it though.

I don't frickin believe it! I bought this house to get away from looking out of every damn window in my old house, and seeing thru someone else's windows.

Well, I just found out that some *&^%$£" has applied for planning permission to build a house outside my FRONT FRICKIN WINDOW!

NO WAY !!!!!!!!!!

I've been trawling thru my old albums. Well, trawling isnt the word - I've only got about 40 or so left. I really need to start getting my missing ones replaced and buying in some new ones. My new CD/DVD cabinet holds several hundred, so it is looking really sparse in there.

ANYway. I am listening to an old Cher album. She's currently telling Meatloaf that he's a real dead ringer for love. Not my type, but there you are.

Cher used to be one of Sue's total favorites. She was addicted, and used to think she sounded like her when she was singing. OH MAN - she SO didn't sound like Cher! Cher's cat with it's tail trodden upon, perhaps

So, listening to the album has brought back Sue, standing in her kitchen in Leighton Buzzard, ironing away, spraying the clothes with that stupid starch stuff that made the floor all slippery, and caterwauling away at the top of her lungs. She always knew all the words, but sung them a split second after Cher.

I can even picture what she would be wearing.

I could just sit down and cry. She wouldn't know who Cher was now, let alone remember the words. She won't remember that her fantasy was to be just like Cher, complete with voice and body. She had all her albums, but they've slowly gone missing. I've got her old videos of Cher.

I miss her.

Don't know if this will work or not ... never done it before!

You are not European.

What's your Inner European?
brought to you by Quizilla

Man, the kids have driven me nuts this morning.

Laura woke up and started crying, and she hasn’t stopped since. It isn’t real crying – its that whiny, wah,wah,wah noise they make when they are feeling sorry for themselves for no reason.

Come breakfast time, I was just about to feed Rachel (who decided that breakfast wasn’t on her agenda this morning), and I got the most tremendous pain in my back. It was unbelievable. I couldn’t stand up, couldn’t breathe. I was crouched on the floor by the table, moaning and groaning, and when I tried to stand, it hurt so much I was actually crying out. It was in my back, but right across level with my boobs and under my arms. I still can’t take a proper deep breath.

Talk about major anxiety attack!

Don't trim your pubic hair in half light ,
especially when you're not wearing your spex!

Anthony came home with his 2nd Head Teacher’s Award yesterday.

It covers maths, group work, ‘being a good puppet (!), good listening, working hard in dance, story writing, science, smart thinking, spelling, reading well, art, RME, writing, good ideas in science, language, being a good tidier (!), football, being kind, PE, music.

Proud Mum!

Just spoke to Mum on the phone. She has been at the home getting Sue’s latest report. They said that her frontal lobe has deteriorated significantly, with all that entails. Her walking and vision have also deteriorated, as has her speech. She has also been diagnosed with dementia. She went to the ballet last week, but doesn’t remember going now. She is aggressive and depressive, which is all part of the frontal lobe thing.

Dad has been in dreadful pain since Monday. He woke up in the early hours Monday morning in agony with his chest, back, left arm and left leg. They phoned the Dr and he thinks it is to do with the ‘thing’ on his spine. He goes for his MRI on Monday, and then gets his next appt with the specialist a week on Thursday. He is back on the strong pain killers that he was given from the Macmillan nurses, and they are making him drowsy but keeping the pain at bay.

On man!
I was at a friend’s house this evening, with Rachel standing on my lap.
I said “give me a kiss, baby” and she did.
A big wet smacker on my cheek.
I was thrilled, and said it again, and she kissed me again on my lips.
Not just lips touching either – a big mmmwwwwhhhhaaa kiss, complete with sound effects.

Between this and the ‘boo’ she has been doing – what a sweetie!

Ger taught Rachel to play 'boo' at the weekend.

Say 'play boo, Rachel'.

She puts her hands in front of her face, leaps out at you and shouts "goo" (she can't do the b sound yet).

She is totally adorable!

I don't know what title to give this entry.

A friend of mine lost her son to a form of leukaemia. He would have been 6 this year. He died when he was 4. It still hurts my heart to think of him, and I can barely say his name without tears. However, I talk about him often, because I love him.

His Mum keeps a website : http://www.caringbridge.org/canada/conorford/ and she has just uploaded a song on there. Her own words will tell why.

Well, my wee baby Rachel was one today! Can you believe it? She had a lovely day – her auntie/godmother came up to stay for the weekend so that she could be with her on her birthday, and Ger also came up a day later so he could stay today.

We got up late, had breakfast while she opened her presents, then gave her a cake and sang Happy Birthday. She was like “what are you lot up to? I’ve got TOYS here!” She didn’t sleep all day, although I put her to bed a couple of times. She certainly can’t have been excited – she had no idea what was going on.

We gave her a rocking horse type toy. Large red plastic thing from Little Tykes. She thinks it is great. You are supposed to sit on the seat, hold the handles and rock back and forth. Not Rachel. She stood on the seat, then let go of the handles and stood up straight, *then* started rocking back and forth. No pic – I was too terrified she would fall to take a pic of that!

We had a nice tea and cut her cake this afternoon, singing happy birthday again and showing her how to blow out her candle. She had a piece of cake, then said “MORE!” and got a 2nd piece. Greedy guts!

She is up in her bed now (over an hour later than she should be) fussing away, wanting to stay up and play.

With our ghost that is.

Some days, he’s quite quiet, but most days he’s disruptive.

He is opening wardrobes,
he took Anthony’s dreamcatcher down from the hook (no way Anthony could have done this without breaking it),
he’s messing with Anthony’s alarm clock – making it go off in the middle of the night,
he’s still doing the lights on/off thing,
leaving doors open/closing them,
opening drawers,
and he is often standing at the top of the stairs.
He is bothering Anthony (although the things Anthony is reporting he hasn’t connected to ghosties yet).
He knocked Anthony’s crucifix off the top of his chest of drawers, throwing it onto the bed, and also his pyramid.
Last night he switched the TV off in Anthony’s room.