Purple Dragon

The facts:

Dad is in a hospice. Apart from having multiple cancer, emphysema, a chest infection and senile dementia, he is fine, so they are wantig his bed back.

They told Mum yesterday he could stay "as long as he needed to" but today - he has to go. They have recommended a place for him, and Mum has gone to visit it. She doesn't like it particularly. However, he moves in on Thursday, because they need his bed in the hospice.

They did say though that if his chest infection turns into pneumonia or something, he could stay after all. Are we hoping for pneumonia? Funnily enough - no we frickin aren't.

Mum has been advised by someone who should know better to "not tell" the govt that Dad is in a nursing home until after the New Year, mainly so that she doesn't have to complete loads of paperwork about it, but also so that she "doesn't lose his pension".

I just pointed out to her tonight that they will most likely backdate his move and that, if she has had the money, they will either take it out of her (meagre) pension, or demand it back in a lump sum.

She received a telephone call from my sister's nursing home today telling her that, although she has been paying her contribution towards Sue's care, and so have the health service, social services haven't been dipping into their pockets for their portion, and if they don't receive it, then Sue will be looking for a new place.

As Sue needs specialist care, and it was incredibly difficult to find her this new place anyway, (after her old place were no longer able to offer her the care she requires) finding her another place that can care for her down there is unlikely.

Honest to God - I just wanna go down and shake these frickin people. Have they no idea? My Mum is 67 years old. SIXTY SEVEN. She doesn't need this shit at her time of life, when her husband is dying, and she has no one to lean on.

Christ - I feel like a spare limb.

Mum got the results back from Dad’s tests yesterday. He hasn’t got cancer in his brain, but he does have senile dementia, which is what is causing the confusion, wandering and aggression. He was interviewed, with Mum there, by three different medical folk, who all recommended that he be taken into a nursing home.

They feel that because of his aggression and wandering, that Mum can’t cope with him. He has threatened her, and the staff at the hospice he is in now.

Anyway, I agree with their assessment 100%. He frightened me a bit when he was here, and he has just gotten worse. I don’t want Mum to have to deal with that. She also feels she can’t cope with him, and agrees with their assessment and recommendations.

She asked if there was a chance they could find a place for him up here, but they said he “won’t last that long” and he wouldn’t “survive the journey”. So we now think his lifespan is in weeks rather than months. They have also said that they are amazed that someone with the amount of cancer in the places he has it is still alive anyway.

So why am I mad? Well, one of Dad’s good friends phoned Mum last night to see how he got on with his tests. She told him, and explained about the nursing home. And he got all shirty with her! Asking her why he couldn’t come back and live with her, and when she explained why, he said he’d never seen Dad acting like that – almost accusing her of making it up! Mum’s gutted, and is now questioning her decision to not have him home. Ger sez the bloke should have Dad come live with him, and see how well he gets along