Purple Dragon

I'm totally gutted.
My son just cut my daughter's hair while I was getting the wee one down to sleep.
I just can't believe it.
I got their hair cut last week and it looked just lovely.
She has the most beautiful hair.
It is brown and gold and blond and is just gorgeous.
I think they realised their mistake when they saw my face.
I sent them both to bed, sobbing, and told them I couldn't bear to speak to them till I calmed down.
Now they've fallen asleep, and I have calmed down, but I came across the hair in the kitchen bin and got all upset again.
How stupid am I getting so upset about hair.
It will grow back.
Oh, God, I'm gonna have to look at her tomorrow and not cry.
She had such beautiful hair.

Yesterday, I fell in love.

I was at the Turriff Show, which is our local annual agricultural show. Very good btw

They had a dog show there, and I saw a wee black cocker spaniel.

I'm in love. I want one. Now.

Well, yesterday actually, but I've had one of those weekends where you don't get time to fart, so this is the first time I've had to post.

Lala was in the playroom yesterday by herself. She was looking in one of the cupboards where we keep the colouring books and paper and so on. I'd been to the Inverurie Environment Day thing, and brought her back a freebie of pencil case, pencil, ruler etc and she wanted to play with it.

She opened the cupboard, had a ruuk around, and then went to stand up, pulling herself up using the open cupboard door.

Unfortunately, that was the cupboard that had their 32" telly on top of it. The cupboard tipped over, the telly fell off, cracked her on the head, and then smashed onto the floor.

Ger and I were over the other side of the house, but we heard the crash and then the screaming.

Amazingly, she was fine. A bit of a wee bump on the head, but nothing else apart from a big big scare. I think it must have struck her a glancing blow as it passed on its way down.

Ger is going to put the wee 14" portable in here, and he's glueing it to the top of the cupboard.

Well, as a tribute to Moira and also to the Great Earth Mother who designed them : here is a series of tonight's sunsets over the valley from my front window.

Well, after having a really happy, peaceful couple of days, nice weather blah blah, I thought I'd swing past here and spread a little sunshine.

Not to be.

I clicked on my page link and it shows the last 5 most recent friends entries at the bottom of the page.

Moira passed over.

I can't believe it. She fought so damn hard, and was always so optimistic.

Shit, leukaemia definately sucks.

I've just added my name to Cancer Research UK's 'Cancer 2020' petition. It's all about urging politicians across the UK to start planning today for the cancer challenges of tomorrow.

An ageing population and major advances in cancer treatment mean that the number of people surviving or living with cancer is rising. Urgent planning is needed to ensure the NHS is ready for the challenges ahead.

You can sign the petition at:
http://www.cancer2020.org

Cancer 2020: Plan it right, make it fair

Okay, I've gone and bought myself a Nikon F55 SLR off eBay. Perhaps I'm foolish, but that seemed to be the camera for an amateur like me.

However.

Always a 'however', isnt there?

I don't know what the best lens is to buy. I *think* it will be either a 28-80 or a 28-100, but I've always used fixed lens cameras before, so I'm not sure.

My requirements are few. I just want to be able to take pix of the kids, for example at school plays, or sports days, from where I am. I want to be able to zoom in on them when they aren't looking as well, like if they are down the garden. I believe that the 28-80 does good close ups as well, which is why I'm drawn to that one.

Anyway? Tips? Advice?

Cheers

Choosing the right wife . . .

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gave each woman a present of $5,000 and watched to see what they did with the money.

The first had a total make over. She went to a fancy beauty salon and had her hair done, bought new make up and several new outfits; then dressed up very nicely for the man. She told him that she had done this to be more attractive for him because she loved him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second went shopping to buy the man gifts. She got him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presented these gifts, she told him that she spent all the money on him because she loved him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invested the money in the stock market. She earned several times the $5,000.

She gave him back his $5000 and reinvested the remainder in a joint
account. She told him that she wanted to save for their future because she loved him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.

Men are like that, you know.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Dear Kotex,

I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my pantiliner had a bunch of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it.
Annoying advice such as:

- Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
- Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
- Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh.
- Try Kotex blah blah blah other products.

Obviously the person behind this was someone who has never possessed a functioning pair of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman TO HER FACE that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh. See what happens and report back. I'll wait here.

While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate from the vending machine. I guaran-damn-tee that the first responders will be females who just ovulated.

Look, females don't need or want tips for living on feminine hygiene products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that from their elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted
their own recipes for survival, most containing alcohol.

Printing out shit advice while sneaking in ads for the brand THAT WAS ALREADY PURCHASED is just plain annoying, not to mention rude and enough to send a girl running to the Always brand.

Mostly we'd like to forget that we even need these products. It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging. Put the shit in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer. There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package announcing your uterine state to everyone in the damn store.

The ultimate goal of your product should be functional invisibility at every stage, including the point of purchase.

So take your tips for living and shove them right up your ass. (Try drinking six to eight glasses of water to make you feel fresher while you're doing it!)

Ovarily Yours

Miss PMS

Took Noodle to the vet this morning. You may remember that he was in the pets corner last month. He was right as rain then, but he has progressively lost weight since.

I lifted him yesterday, and he was skin and bone. You wouldn't even get a decent stew out of him. Perhaps a thin stock ...

Anyway, the vet thinks he's got kidney failure. I've got to get a urine sample out of him. Ever tried getting a urine sample off a rabbit?

The life cycle is all backwards.
You should die first, start out dead and get it out of the way.
Then you wake up in a nursing home, feeling better every day.
You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your
retirement.
You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School.
You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, then, you spend
your last 9 months floating peacefully with luxuries like central heating, spa room service on tap, larger quarters everyday, and finally you finish off as an orgasm.
I rest my case.

So, there's me, sleeping peacefully.
It's about 2am.
Suddenly, I was awoken with his AWFUL sensation - my dear daughter tipping a cupful of water down my back.

She was sleepwalking. I asked her what she was doing, and she just stood there beside my bed, eyes shut, cup in hand. She had gone to the bathroom, filled the cup and brought it into my bedroom, pulled back my covers (probably) and tipped the water on me.

I took the cup and told her to go back to bed. She never even opened her eyes.

Went to the Dr this morning about my sore elbow. Apparently I have damaged the nerve, probably thru bashing it.

However, I also asked him about the pains in my joints and apparently it is rheumatism. AH, the roo-ma-tizz! Getting old, man, getting old! LOL

I just got this email into my inbox. Bloody people. Who thinks these things up? What sort of person makes a living by sending these things out to people? Man, I'm so glad I'm not accumulating their karma!

Hello

My name is Dave and I am from the Support of WorldPay.

We have received the payment order (ID 0220712,Receipt Date 09/07/2006) from you and we need to make a verification of the details you have filled in, as we have received a notice from your card service stating that there was a chargeback made by the owner of the card with which you have made the payment and that your level of authorization has been altered during your last transaction.

This is a very serious matter. We have deducted the amount of the chargeback, GBP 149.89, from your account and added our standard fee of GBP 24.00 as well (you can see your payment details in the attachment).

We have failed to contact you using the telephone number you have provided earlier, meeting no response.

As a precaution, we have limited access to your account in order to protect against future unauthorized transactions.Please understand that this is a security measure intended to help protect you and your personal information.

Please contact your credit card company to resolve this matter.

Best Regards,
Dave Gollick
shopper@uk.worldpay.com

WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T CLICK ON THAT LINK!

... making strawberry jam.

I've never done this before and I have three kids helping - aged 7, 6 and 3.

Should be interesting

I shall let you know how it goes.

We bought our lovely little Citroen. Sweet little car. No central locking, power steering, or CD player. Eccentric brakes. Beautifully economical. I drive it generally.

We bought (actually, Mum bought us) a Rover 220. It had a 'noise' which we thought was the clutch. After having another clutch installed, we realised it was actually the gearbox (at least, we hope so, coz it is in getting the gearbox replaced as I type). Also, the starter motor worked if it felt like it, which could be a bit of a challenge.

The bloke who is fixing the Rover loaned us a wee VW. As old as the Citroen, but reliable. Or so we thought. We were lulled into a false sense of security. One morning, it was making very alarming noises, and Himself, being as good with motors as he is, jumped out of it lest is exploded and promptly nicked my car.

I asked a wonderful neighbour if he would be so kind as to offer his professional, mechanical opinion. "Fucked" was one of the words. Apparently, this is a technical term. Basically, the water pump collapsed and it also needs a new ... hmm, timing belt? To install a new water pump you have to pretty much dismantle the whole flippin engine. Many hours labour.

Ho hum. Two cars off the road, only one of which is ours. Plenty repair bills.

So, in the spirit of "get on with it" Himself jumped on the lawnmower and started driving up and down the garden, mowing. About three quarters of the way round, it emitted an awful grinding, shrieking kinda noise, started billowing smoke, and making a dreadful stink of burning. The mower - not the husband. Cue friendly, mechanic neighbour. Wry look, shake of the head. A couple of bearings have collapsed (there's that word again - when is it my turn?) and a belt of some sort (a drive belt?) needs replaced.

Someone, please bring back horse and carriage!

I have no interest whatsoever, so sorry if you thought it was some deep discussion on the recent game. I know someone won it, and someone lost. That is the full measure of my interest.

However, I was reading Kindred Spirit (an old copy) and there was an article by this bloke who is all green and enlightened and stuff.

He was joking about going on a course to help him and his mates support their local football team, how to cheer and sing footy songs and so on. Being enlightened 'new men' they couldn't manage to bring themselves to sing:

"You're gonna get your fucking head kicked in"

and replaced it with

"You're gonne get your chakras realigned"

Got this off sub

1. Has anyone ever thrown a surprise party for you?
No.
I threw myself a party when I was 21 coz no one else was interested. My inlaws threw us a 'surprise' party after we (supposedly) snuck off to get married, but it all came out before the event.

2. Are you easily excited?
Nah. Too sceptical.

3. If you won a million pounds what would be your first thought?
Pay them bills

4. If you could have anything right now, what would it be?
No debt

5. Where were you born:
Slough

(Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough, it isn't fit for humans now, there isn't grass to graze a cow, fall over ... death)

6. Want to have sex before you're married?
Wanted to and did ... repeatedly.

7. Gay marriage:
Don't care. As long as folk are happy and not hurting other people.

8. Lower the Drinking age:
Ban the bloody stuff as far as I'm concerned.

9. Capital Punishment?
And what if you are wrong and convict in error? Can't exactly say sorry, can you?

10. Abortion?
So so no no. I can't defend myself over this. The arguments for are so persuasive, but I just can't get past the feeling, for me, that it is killing a child. I would die myself before killing one of my children.

11. Recycling?
Trying. Getting right into it, buthaving problems convicing some in the family

12. Straight, Gay, Bi?
Guess

13. Do you Love Someone:
Yes, several someones actually.Lucky me

14. Do you have a crush:
A vague one that will soon be gotten over.

15. Who is the best hugger that you know:
It would be a toss up between my three kids. They all give fantastic hugs.

16. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Yep. Happened to me. And there's another story!

1. Choose one word to describe yourself
BORED!!!

2. If you could have a single name for yourself like 'Madonna' or 'Pele' what would it be?
erm - Carol?

3. What is your shoe size?
5

4. How tall are you?
5'4"

5. The most dangerous experience/thing you have ever done?
Been in a couple of car accidents, and have been physically attacked a couple of times. Dunno.

6. What do you smell like?
Some M&S, age 70-something, old lady crap I found beside the bath this morning

7. Which colour most suits your mood right this second?
Purple

8. Ever wished for something and got it?
Oh, yes.

9. Top 5 things you look for in a man/woman
- able to make me laugh
- taller than me
- confident
- interested in me
- nice hands

10. If somebody came up to you right now with a bunch of roses and asked you out on a date, how would you react and what would you do?
Not much - who can get a babysitter. Would keep the roses though

This is a lovely little book that I have just finished reading to the wee man in bed at night. He was getting a chapter a night, and thoroughly enjoyed it. Great book for the imagination. I'm not actually quite sure who enjoyed it more - me or him - because I've not read it since I was small, and it was a re-discovery for me.

Nice book for reading to the kids.

What a lovely book. I thoroughly enjoyed this one, and was totally enraptured by Sayuri and her tale.

I was rather disappointed when I found out that it was just made up - all through the story I thought it was a true memoir (yes, alright, shut up!) and I didn't find out till the end that it wasn't. I think perhaps that, if I had know before reading it, I mightn't have enjoyed it quite so much. I dunno.

Read it though. Good book

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behaviour that was going on. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time. When he returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not.

God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion."

So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too. When the angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true. The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good."

God was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5% that were good, because He wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what the e-mail said?

Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either.

Okay, this is scary.

I just read this, linked from the BBC Action Network site, and I shall now be checking to make sure it doesn't cover Scotland, and Scottish schoolchildren!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/actionnetwork/A12660301

Nicked this off my friend, Rachel, at http://www.newness-of-life.com/

ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
I have a scar on the middle finger of my right hand. The cut is only about half a cm, but it went thru a nerve and still hurts. I did it when I was about 12, helping Dad deliver milk (he was a milkman, btw). Fell up some steps, the bottle smashed, and I landed on it.

WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE?
Black. Boring.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
No idea.

WHAT DO YOU MISS?
My Dad

WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION?
I'm just grateful for everything I've got. Does that sound really sickly-sweet?

DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
Oh, my, yes! Even thinking about going caving or mining or something gives me palpitations. Can't even put my head under the covers!

WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
It was Anthony, about half am inute ago, shrieking at his sisters. Man, that kid needs some anger management. I handled it well - never raised my voice - just spoke to him.

DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE?
Apparently (see above)

WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU (OF THE OPPOSITE SEX)?
My first ever (proper) boyfriend, Keith, gave me something for our first Christmas, but for the life of me, I can't remember what.

WHAT IS ONE OF YOUR DREAMS?
I have a recurring daydream of us not being up to our eyeballs in debt, and worrying about the repo man banging on the door. Does that count?

WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL MOST OFTEN?
My husband, closely followed by Mum

YOUR WEAKNESSES?
Laziness.

WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS SURVEY?
Reading all the blogs I've been neglecting recently

WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
I don't get compliments.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
Nothing.

WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
An eternity ring from my husband. Traditionally (around here anyway) you get one when you produce the first child. Ha! Yeah, right.

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Apparently Mum saw my name on the credits after a TV show.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Nope. Awful scrawl, no matter how hard I try, unless I write in calligraphy, which looks pretentious

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Yeuch.

ANY BAD HABITS?
Comfort eating, too much internet, laying in bed late

DO YOU UN-TIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Yep

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Peppa Pig

LAST THING YOU ATE?
kelloggs Bran Flakes

LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
My husband. He got up an HOUR late for work after being up yapping with me till 1am, then listening to me getting up repeatedly to re-settle the little'un, so he phoned to let me know he managed into work on time.

LAST THING YOU WATCHED?
Evolution - love that film!

WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING?
I'm reading Memoirs of a Geisha and loving it.

I have been rather lax in reviewing, and have three sitting here.

The Shining Ones, Philip Gardiner is supposed to be the world's most powerful secret society revealed. It may well be, but I got halfway thru the book before giving up, throwing my hands into the air and saying "so - what's your point?" On the shelf till I can be bothered to try again. Don't hold your breath.

Children of the Shaman, Jessica Rydill is a great book. David Gemmell said it was 'a masterful first novel' and I gotta agree. It took me a little bit to get into it, but I was so glad I did. I actually read the following book afterwards, because this one was so good, I didn't want to leave that world and read anything heavy/ier. I have already put in a request to the library to see if she has written anything else.

Reaper Man, Terry Pratchett is classic Pratchett. I love Death - I think he's one of the most fantastic characters in all the Discworld books, and in this one he is at his best. Read it!

A pal of ours just sent us a still from a porn video. The still showed a couple in bed (well, on top of it, actually), and I will leave the rest to your imagination.

However

The couple of the still look identical to me & Ger! I showed him, and he was like "where the hell did that come from?!?"

Anyway, the friend sent us a series of 23 stills, and it was SO SCARY! This couple could be our doubles, except for ONE still where you actually see their faces properly, and then you can see it isn't us.

Ger was panicking thinking he was getting framed for something, and that I was gonna be pissed at him, but I was panicking thinking - "Hell - where was that, and who was filming?" The only thing that made me think it wasn't me was she had rings on her right hand, and I only wear them on my left. Even their watches were like ones Ger & I own.

Un - frickin - believable!

I just watched two adverts, one for a shampoo and another for an air freshener spray.

They both claimed that they had won 'Product of the Year' from an independent survey ... from 12,593 individuals. BOTH had exactly 12,593 people vote in a survey.

Give me a break.

NASA Science News for June 29, 2006

Who needs fireworks? As night falls on the 4th of July, a moon, a giant planet and a spaceship will emerge from the twilight for a sky show of their own.

FULL STORY at

http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2006/29jun_july4th.htm?list890823

Apparently, you can see it in the night sky shortly.

Here is a link to when it will appear over your home town.

http://spaceflight.nasa.gov/realdata/sightings/cities/skywatch.cgi?country=United+Kingdom

Typically, we missed it