Purple Dragon

Went to the Dr first thing this morning. Agreed to do the anti depressant thing. He promised that there were no side effects of the ones he wanted me to take, and when I got home, I looked them up on the internet and he lied. Good start. Ho hum. Now I don't want to take them anymore

He reckons a lot of it is to do with grief. Losing Conor 4 years ago, then my sister, then my Dad 2 years come March, then my mother in law last year.

Whatever. He could be right. I have reached a point where I can type about them without choking up, but can no longer actually particularly talk about them without. So there is something there, for sure.

He wants to see me again in two weeks.

Noticed Lala has ridges on her toenails, which is a sign of iron deficiency. Coeliacs have problems absorbing iron, and adults with CD often have to have B12 injections, so she is away to the nurse on Monday for some bloods. Hopefully the nails are outgrowth from when she was sick, and she is okay now.

She is also going to the optician tomorrow morning because she is complaining of 'an invisible bit' in her vision. Sounds like a migraine precursor to me - I get 'invisible bits' in my vision prior to a migraine attack. I hope she's not developing them.

AND she got a really bad runny bum earlier tonight, which I thought was the result of the so-called coeliac dinner she got at the wedding on Saturday, but has actually turned into a sickness bug. She's thrown up a few times, and I am sitting here at the end of her bed typing this. She is finally asleep. I hope she manages to sleep thru the night and get some rest.

The boy has just been in, also complaining of a tender belly, so he is probably gonna get it too.

The only healthy person in the house tonight is Rachel. Mum has a really bad cough, left over from the bad cold she had; Ger has just started that bad cold; and I'm not even bothering to tell you just how bloody ill I feel just now.

Bought that Mel Gibson film 'Signs' from the charity shop this afternoon, along with a couple of books, but it doesn't look as if I am going to get a chance to watch it.

Ho hum.

Have a nice night everyone

Well, my sister in law got married this weekend.

Got everything packed up Friday night. Took the dogs to the kennels, picked up the boys' kilts. Couldn't find Rachel's shoes and turned the house upside down, caravan upside down, garage upside down. Guess where I found it? Under the covers on her bed. Sheesh!

Up early Saturday morning, made sure we had everything, then off an hour later than we were supposed to leave, which was handy because when we arrived at the hotel, our room wasn't ready and we had to wait a half hour.

Did I say that my car is still off the road, so we had to hire a 14 seat minibus to get there? I want one! Loads of room!

Our room at the hotel was really nice. We had the main room, with a small room off to the side for the kids.

The wedding was lovely. We were all in a room in the hotel, the poor groom a bag of nerves at the front. He's a lovely bloke, but shy as anything (being a hill farmer from the north of the Scottish coast). I think that standing up in front of us lot took a whole handful of courage! Anyway, SIL was late, a bit later, a little longer still ... turns out she was a bag of nerves too, and also missing her Mum (my MIL died recently, if you remember), and couldn't stop crying.

When she arrived, the wedding went off without a hitch. They altered the vows to suit themselves, and they were lovely. A lot of respect there.

We were piped into the wedding room, then the Bride was piped in, then they was piped out for the photos, then we were all piped into the sit down meal, then the couple were piped in, then the piper piped himself out. Plenty noise! I love the bagpipes

The meal was fine, although the promised coeliac meal for Lala didn't materialise so we cobbled something together from everyone else's meals that appeared acceptable, but she is itching like a maniac now and her cheeks have some red welts on them. Poor kid.

After the meal, we went upstairs and got changed, and then came back down for the evening party. Rachel thought the whole disco lights thing was fantastic and spent ages on the dancefloor, until The Opening Dance. Then the DJ put on some ceilidh music, then back to disco, then ceilidh, and finally disco, finishing at 12.30 (but then Ger and brothers decided to have a sing along, so we didn't leave till 1.30)

My kids were the only ones there, and they were very well behaved. I was very proud of them. We got a lot of compliments about how well behaved, very polite and good looking they were [proud Mum moment]. One arse was overheard (by me) saying "If they were my kids, I'd put the three of them up for adoption" and he is still alive because it was Ger's sister's wedding and I wasn't about to punch someone's lights out.

Coz Mum was up, we had a shift round on the bed situation. The boy was on the top bunk, Mum on the bottom, Rachel in the cot and Lala and I were supposed to be in the bed, while Ger crashed at someone's house. He decided it would be easier to crash on the floor in the hotel. The bed turned out to be big enough for three of us in there, though, so Ger and I slept in there with No2Child in between. However, No3Child woke in the night and wanted in the bed, and because she was making such a fuss, and I didn't want her to waken everyone, I chucked her in the bed, and crashed on the bedroom floor myself, with the baby quilt over me.

On the Sunday, we visited my MIL's grave. The stone was put up a while ago, but I hadn't seen it yet. I could barely stand it. I had to pretend a sneeze so go back to the van to get a tissue, because I didn't want the kids to see me crying.

I felt prety crap all the way back up the road, and I still haven't recovered yet. Too much in such a short period of time. I've been trawling the internet trying to find what is wrong with me, but am coming up blank. All the symptoms keep going back to either a heart problem (which has been ruled out) or stress, which I don't feel I really have. Ah, well - who am I to diagnose myself?

Well, I am pleased to report that No1Child's pal didn't have meningitis.

Whew!

he did have a nasty infection, but he got home from hospital this afternoon, and will be back at school on Monday.

What a relief, for everyone concerned.

Boy used to do gymnastics where we used to live, and when we were considering moving up here, I researched it and found there was a local group and that he could join the (apparently short) waiting list.

Well, 2+ years later, we got a phone call offering him a place, and he started tonight.

It is a bit tight. Lala finishes her dance class at 4pm, then gets changed, and we come home. Then I have to be 6 miles away by 5.15 for his gymnastics class, which would be fine if we didn't need to eat tea before we leave. If I left it until we got back, Rachel would be too tired to eat. I think it will be stew/casserole for tea every Wednesday from now on!

Anyway, he thoroughly enjoyed the class. I could see he was really wanting to do well, and he is very good - he seems to have a natural aptitude for it.

When we got there, a woman was trying to sell her kids uniforms because she couldn't afford to keep them in classes anymore, so I managed to bag leotard and shorts for the boy at a snip of the new price, and they are in fine condition, so that was a bonus. The pumps were too big though, so I shall have to buy new ones of those.

Lala has gone on the waiting list now, so hopefully she will get in a bit sooner than the boy did!

I'm away to dye my hair for the wedding.

A pal of mine came round to the house this morning and told me that the wee lad whose party my boy attended last Saturday has been admitted to hospital with suspected meningitus.

There was my boy, her boy (D), and another boy (C). C has been off school all week with a fever. D's wee sister (who was also at the party, but with the parents rather than the boys) has also been off school all week with a fever. This morning, my boy complained of feeling hot, and he felt hot to the touch, but when I took his temperature, it was fine.

I feel so sick. I feel like I could just throw up I'm so worried.

The wee boy in hospital (A) is in quarantine, and is bored silly because he isn't allowed to play with the other children. Poor kid. Mind you, it is an excellent hospital (Aberdeen Royal Children's Hospital) and has very good facilities. You can get telly and video games on a console beside your bed, and they will bring the PlayStation and DVD player, and pretty much any film or game you want to play.

Nicked from just about everybody

Andy Warhol said in 1968

"In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes."

This meme deals with your brush with fame:

Have you ever appeared on TV?
Nope

Ever been on the radio?
Nope

Do you have a friend who is famous?
My auntie (who was widowed by my uncle) remarried Sarah Brightman's uncle.

Have you ever had your name in the papers?
When I was a kid I was presented at the Junior Debutante Ball, and all the debs were pictured.

Have you ever been in trouble with the law?
Less said, soonest mended

Any school friend gone on to be famous?
Not as far as I am aware. I know one of the older kids at school went to RADA but I don't know if he made anything of himself.

5 things meme

5 Things Found In My Bag
1. PAYE book
2. Bank book
3. purse
4. Coeliac UK food bible
5. lipsticks

5 Things Found In My Purse
1. money
2. postage stamps
3. switch card
4. library cards for me and kids
5. photo of sprogs

5 Things Found In My Room
1. shoes
2. handbags
3. unallocated (clean) laundry stacks
4. sleeping cat/s
5. multitude of jewellery boxes

5 Things I’ve Always Wanted To Do
1. Learn to play a musical instrument (currently the drums)
2. Walk the Ridgeway (in Wiltshire)
3. find serenity
4. Meet the Dalai Lama
5. calm my children with a word

5 Things I’m Currently Into
1. learning the drums
2. blogging
3. West Highland Way
4. teaching the new puppy some manners
5. decorating the house

I bought myself a set of drums.

himself will collect them for me tomorrow.

They are only 2nd hand ones, but fine to start with and see if I enjoy it.

Well, good news!

And not unexpected, I have to (smugly) say.

Went along to the cardiac department and answered a bunch of questions, then had my heart listened to, then had an ambulatory ECG.

Basically, without boring the socks off you (any more than I already have), she said that my cholesterol is a bit on the high side, so I need to go on a diet; and that my stamina and fitness could do with some work.

Apart from that, my heart seems absolutely fine, so I am to go back to my GP and request a referral back to the gynaecologist and get the other thing sorted out once and for all.

I also need to go back and find out what is causing the pain in my chest and the funny turns I had.

As you can probably guess, I'm fairly on an 'up' just now, and even though I am sitting here with a pain in my chest as I type, the fear is gone.

Like I said to a pal of mine tonight, even though I really didn't believe there was anything wrong with my heart, because the Drs seemed to be focussing so much on it, I did have that worry. To get my gut feeling confirmed is a weight off, and now we can focus on what the problem actually is.

A-ha!

I have managed to have my Facebook account deleted. No, not deactivated but deleted!!

Basically, you have to delete all the information you have put on there - photos and personal details and as much else as you possibly can, and then you have to email privacy+ngfvgse@facebook.com and tell the bloke there that you want to be deleted permanently.

He will send you an email back saying that deactivation is preferable for them, but if you are firm, and say - no - you want removed completely, they will do it.

Yippee!! I no longer have a Facebook account

Had another appointment at the Dr today.

My blood pressure is way down.
My cholesterol is fine, as is my thyroid.
They didn't do my hemoglobin, so they did that. Vein collapsed midway, and now my arm feels like it's been stuck in vice.

Got me an appointment at the Coronary Care Clinic on Friday afternoon. Apparently, they have a 'fast track' for which I qualify.

Mum flies up on Saturday morning, instead of February like she was supposed to.

Oh, yeah, and I'm not supposed to drive

God, I'm bored.

Bored, bored, fucking bored.

I got the kids to school with only having to have one wee sit down.
Got back, tidied the dining room and vacuumed.
Had a sit down.
Had to go into town (6 miles) to collect two parcels I missed from the postman, and pop into the bank. When I was in the bank I started feeling rough again, and needed to drive home again, and here's me sitting in the chair going slowly out of my tiny, because I'm so FRICKIN BORED.

I know I can't push myself.
I know I need to take a rest as soon as I start to feel rough, but for God's sakes - this is getting beyond a joke.
I'm bored with feeling rough, and I'm bored with having nothing to do.
I need a good book. Or a good film.
I can't collapse again, but - please! - this is torture!

This is totally unrelated to any of my recent posts, and isn't prompted by them at all. I have been thinking about this for a while, and finally decided to discuss it with you lot.

Funerals.

Some folk get buried in a conventional plot, with the whole churchy thing, etc etc. We are all familiar with that sort, and I don't need to go into detail. Likewise - cremations.

The controversy is - burials take up good agricultural land, and frankly is pretty gross when you really get down to it. A rotting corpse in the ground. Nice. Not a good way to remember a loved one.

Cremations apparently add loads of nasty stuff to an already struggling atmosphere and are being slightly frowned upon nowadays.

Green burials - your rotting corpse can feed the growth of the tree that has been planted on you. Rather nicer concept, but please - no apples, thank you.

However, recently someone I know of lost his wife. She got sick, and then it seemed all of a sudden she was dead. I shant go into detail. But here's the twist - she donated her body to medical science, and instead of being shipped off to the local funeral director, the local medical school (or whatever) removed her remains and that was that. The husband held a rememberance gathering for her, but there was no funeral.

Since he told us about it, I have been mulling it over, and wondering about the pros and cons for those left behind. Obviously, the person who is dead doesn't give a stuff.

Thoughts? Anyone?

Holding tightly with both hands to my theory that there is absolutely nothing wrong with my heart, and that angina is a misdiagnosis, I have been researching a wee bit on the internet (like you do) and I have come up with this :

What are the symptoms of iron-deficiency anaemia?

If a person is otherwise healthy, it can take some time for the signs of anaemia to appear.

The first symptoms will be tiredness and palpitations (awareness of heartbeat).

Shortness of breath and dizziness (fainting) are also common.

If the anaemia is severe, you may experience angina (chest pain), headache or leg pains (intermittent claudication).

Well, who takes 400mg of iron, twice a day, during her period, because of iron deficiency? Who had to have a 3-unit blood transfusion thru unexplained platelet loss?

I reckon that is what this is. I reckon my iron levels are back down so low, they are causing this problem. I do get palpitations. I do get short of breath a lot - if I walk up the stairs, I'm puffed out at the top. Don't get leg pains, right enough, but you can't have everything, can you? LOL

I reckon when my bloods come back next week, it will show a great big iron deficiency and my problems will be solved

Went along to the Dr this morning.

He pretty much said he thinks it is angina, even though I don't fall into a high risk category (don't smoke, don't drink, not overweight, not particularly unfit, no family history).

He was a bit shocked to hear the nitro spray worked, and I think that is what tipped his opinion.

Had my recumbent ECG which was perfect. Not a thing wrong or even slightly suspicious. I am being referred to the local hospital to get an active ECG done, probably some time during the week.

He took about half my blood supply for testing. He is doing coeliac (which was asked for by Lala's gastroenterologist), thyroid, cholesterol, and iron counts. Said something about some others, but I didn't really understand what he was on about.

He says I have to keep taking the spray even though the side effects are miserable, because the side effects aren't as miserable as 'the possible consequences' would be. I have to have the pain for two minutes before taking the spray. If the first one doesn't work, take another after another two minutes. If I still have pain I have to phone the emergency number, because that is considered an emergency (doh) and I will need emergency care.

Check how many times he used that word. Emergency.

How to add to the stress, eh?

I have to go back in a week, and he will give me pills instead of the spray, and hopefully get the results of the bloods.

I'm pretty fed up. I'm a bit scared. I still ultimately don't think there is a problem with my heart, but he seems to think it is more of a possibility than he did last week, which is stressing me out majorly.

Had a bit of a cry when I got back.

I feel very sad right now.

... to see a Cadbury's Cream Egg ad?

Surely January 2nd is WAY to early to start advertising Easter eggs?

That is a rhetorical question ... you don't need to say anything!

I have bought myself a handbag, online, and I am desperate for the post to come so I can have it. It wasn't dear. Isn't designer, but I really really love it and I just can't wait to get my grubby little mitts on it