Recently, I have been losing my memory quite badly. I can't remember the words for things, I can't remember what I did yesterday, I lose track halfway thru a sentence.
A friend of mine, a couple of years older than me, told me she went thru exactly the same thing when she became pre-menopausal, and - on looking it up - I decided that I was probably starting that phase of my life.
Well, today confirmed it.
We went along today to look at another boat. This is just a small rowing boat - 8'x4' - which is exactly the right size for us to use to row out to Kentra when she is moored offshore anywhere. The new boat needs a little work (not least the repair of the bloody great hole in the side) but it won't take much to get her seaworthy, and she comes with oarlocks and oars, and the bloke also threw in a couple of lifejackets for the two older kids. Really nice bloke.
Anyway, on the way there, I had my first hot flush. I didn't enjoy it. I threw the heating on the car down to minimum (even though we had only just started the journey and the car wasn't warm anyway) and then opened the window. I felt ghastly.
It is interesting though - it's a bit like labour. When you get pregnant the first time, people regale you with tales of labour; you go to the hospital and they show you a video of a woman giving birth. But you never really know what absolute tearing, screaming agony it can be to bring forth a child. You forget the reality of it, of course, or you would never do it again!
Hot flushes are like that. People have told me what they went thru. I have read books. I have seen women talking about it on the telly, both in fact and fiction. It didn't prepare me for the suffocating heat, the unbearable feeling of "get me the fuck out of here ... I can't breathe.
And now? Surely I was over-reacting ... it couldn't have been that bad, surely?
So, now I stand at the pinnacle. I can look behind me and see my childhood, girlhood, young womanhood, motherhood. All the experiences I have had, that have made me 'me', and brought me to this place in my life are laid out for me to (try to) remember. What lies in front?
It used to be Maiden, Mother, Crone. I am now headed for Cronehood. It's kinda exciting!
You know, I like being me 
